to the new world

since I was 7 or 8 years old, the number "26" was always in my mind.

I had been thinking I would die at 26 year-old age.

after high school I thought I might be married at the age.

now I'm on the age, and I don't have anyone to get marry with.

I wonder what is going to be happened.

my mother is jehovah's witness. she tells me the end of the world is coming soon. so soon.

maybe the world is going to be end in my 26 year-old age?

I know it sounds silly, but I feel the world is exist only for me.

I am here, so they are here.

if I'm gone, they would disappear.

I am the king of the world.

since I got to be 26 years old, I'm everyday nervous. I'm afraid of die.

people can say "stay living if you don't want to die" but it is something like a obligation to me.

I really don't know what to do. because my birthday is coming in 2 months.

anyway, I need to think about "how" to die. I hope something would happen and lead me to the end, for example accident or world's end, whatever.

in case I couldn't get the chance, I need to make it by myself.

I have some ideas.

but I still have some hope that staying living.

maybe get married?

maybe big big big event could happen.

I still haven't gave up, that's why I draw paint, tshirts paintings, and languages.  

I am looking for something, but don't know what it is.