secure

when you get an injection in a hospital, do you try to see the needle coming in your arm or not?

I watch it carefully so I can make my mind for the pain, and I know the timing.

my mom says she tries not to see it. because even looking at the needle, she feels scare.



I thought about it. why I try to see it?

and I found maybe its also related to my "guilty"
as I wrote before, I try not to watch news and newspapers. because if I don't see, it is not exist.
if I see some sad news, I feel its my fault.

because I need everything to be under my control.

pain by injection is not under my control. it is doctor controlling.

so I try to see the timing, make my mind for the coming pain, and I pretend all of it just like I'm controlling.

then this idea came up my mind..
can I do the same for my guilty?

because dealing with my guilty is so tough, I always thinking how to deal, running away from the news but it comes to my ears somehow after all.

so how about pretending like I'm causing those sad events just like injection.

I need to think it more to be sure, I'm too afraid of news. it can kill me so I have to be careful.


beside of this, what is the different between looking at the needle and not looking at it?

they can relax as long as the pain coming, if they are looking at the needle, their relaxing time would be shorter.


to get ready for the pain, so the shock would be softer.
or just being relax until pain comes suddenly so you can relax longer. but the pain shock would be bigger.

which is good?





by the way, I haven't painted these day.
I try soon. good night