Sakura

Cherry blossom will bloom soon. Maybe this weekend or by next week.

I have to prepare for this big event of the year.
I can't handle the situation of cherry blossom blooming all the sudden.
And its so busy.
When it blooms, it's ending so fast. Like in 2 weeks.

I change very slow, when i get to be able to deal with blooming them, its already gone.

So i decided to ignore them. I decided pretending like they aren't exist, so i don't have to worry about it too much. I can forcus to weather changing to summer.

But anyway, if its cherry blossoms season, it must to be warm sooner or later. I need to find my summer clothe and image my life in summer. Image training.

I'm very scared about the cherry blossom though, i need to believe myself to be able to handle it. I did, last year.

There are too many things attacking me. Pushing me down and try to kill me.
I wonder what is the poing of fighting for.
I may need the purpose. But nothing seems deserve for it...yet.
Maybe its like playing a game. Life game.
There's no winning or losing but just for fun. As long as its fun, it should be okay.
But it is also true that some people don't have even one pleasure in their life.

Maybe its because of physical disease, mental issue, whatever.
i want the governmant to accept this fact, just like swizland.

I try to make an information paper about why i need to die.
I told my doctor that i want euthanasia in swizland, and she said she need to know why i.think that way, and she can give me a letter for that.
Its sad that my doctor can't just give me, because of the law. If she does, its gonna make her as a murder.
I want to make her understand why i need to die, and i want her in my side. So we can find the way.