sea horse

sea horse is called baby dragon in Japanese.
dragon is a funny creature. there is dragon in Chinese year, besides every animals are actually real animals but only dragon is from imagination.
or maybe dragon was actually lives in old times in China and Japan.

recently i skipped medicine for about a week, then i started hear things and feeling weird. my body was shaking and i was so thirsty.
after i take them again its getting better though, i'm frustrated everyday.
because when i wake up in the morning, i feel so so so tired and can't get up. even i can't get up to drink a glass of water.
it gradually get better to the night, after i eat dinner, i feel better again and i feel like to do something. going there and paint something, meet someone...
but its late, night. nothing i can do and the time for pills are coming.
this is the routine of my recent life.

so like today, i stay up late to enjoy my positiveness.

been busy

i haven't updated my blog for a while, happy new years!

i never been confortable traveling years. and so was this year.

every new years eve, i feel like i'm loosing everything. i am the only one to go to the next year.

so right after the clock says 00:00, i am so empty.

and the worst thing is there is no moment to prepare for the next year. not even one second. right after you pass through 23:59, next moment you are already in the first second of the next year.

i know its wrong. people live same lives, and everything are same. but you know, i just can't feel it.

what if i was right? what if the world is exist depends on me?

what if the world keep renewal everyday at 00:00?

what if also YOU are not the continual existence?

isn't it scary?

every new years days, i feel it and it makes me nervous.

this year also, i couldn't feel right for few days, but luckly, i got myself back!

FYI the reason i can't post my paintings picture, i broke my phone.

i was riding on a motorbike watching TV on my phone, and i dropped it><

it was a stupid idea to set my phone on a just plastic holder, without a strap just in case.

the "case" got to be happened, and now i'm living very inconvenient life...

but it can be good somehow, i can forget about "the time" which is i'm trapped forever.

thanks for visiting my blog. see you next time!

(hoping i will be able to post my paintings next time!)

Irritation

Its been a while to write here.
I've been quite normal, that doesn't make me write anything.
Its good that i don't have to worry too many things, but on the other hand, its so boring.

And flat life makes me weak.

But i'm still drawing.
I plan to apply competitions.
Recently, i'm wondering how to 'draw' moving stuff, flavor, music.

super woman

this picture I draw as a flat and normal, for average.

because in fact, i drew only the feature of the face, the point of the eyes, space for nose, and mouth.

I put on her makeup.

yes, I used my real cosmetics. sounds fun, huh?

only mascara, I couldn't because she's a paper! she doesn't have hair!!!

so sadly her eyelash is painted by brush.

anyway, even me got surprised!

oh my god, makeup magic!

by the way, talking about my condition, its getting bad i guess, when I with my friends, I speak alot, tell them a lot, at night I regret , after wake up regret, but again when i see friends, I became super hippy woman.

the night i took the medicines, after that, I feel like i am nobody, and the medicine took my identity..can't walk, can't eat or drink. 

but I should keep going...

see ya

manic episode of bipolar disorder

I've been too lazy to write my blog. 

I was not in a depressed mood, I'm doing pretty ok. I try publishing my artwork and clothing products.

I'be been lazy on Etsy and some other websites too, but right now, I feel like I can keep working on it.

besides, I went to doctor yesterday, my doctor said I might in a manic episode.

I'm too active, insomnia, talk a lot... it seems like its good.

honesty, it feels good to me too. except, sometimes I regret a lot, that is a big heavy regret that I can't even get up. 

I can't see the line between what I can do and what I shouldn't do.

everynight after take pills, I try to sleep for about 2 hours. then I give up on falling asleep, get up and do something. painting, watch netflix, etc..

i finally sleep in the morning, for about 2,3hours. its like I spent all my energy completely.

when I wake up, I'm totally great.

but after living like that for few days, I sleep over 10hours.

after 10 hours sleep, I wake up, and I regret everything. right after waking up, the memories of what I did, heard, talked, acting and everything coming up on my mind like a tsunami wave.

its so heavy that I cuddle and grab my own hair, my body would be shaking and I scream.

after few hours, I gradually get better, and in the evening, I would be completely ok.

and then, I repeat the circle again...

today's picture, I painted it by watercolor .

I name is "BAT MAN"

I'm pretty satisfied of this paint. hope you like it^^

see you~

Circle

Maybe i could drew this as a crying eye.

Patterns

When all patterns settle on the right spot, everything gonna be perfect.